•4:57 PM
In an analysis of five decades’ worth of research, Dr. Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University, found that today’s adolescents are overburdened to a degree once seen in child psychiatric patients.
When you say “yes” to over-scheduling, you also say “no” to your family. Overburdened families are more prone to arguing than their less-frenetic counterparts and are less likely to spend time together. Twenty years ago parents worked about nine fewer hours per week than those raising their families today and today’s parents have more options vying for their and their children’s available time. -- Susan Newman, Ph.D.
We had an opportunity to have this discussion recently. The kids came home with flyers for softball (Kiara) and T-ball (Aiden). Neither one mentioned it, but I know both of them would love those activities. So as I looked at the schedules (4 days a week - each), I lamented aloud to Aaron that it was unfortunate that the time commitment was so demanding, and that we'd have to stick with soccer (3 days a week), starting up in a couple of weeks. I don't remember exactly what he said, but what I understood was, "Do we have an extra three days a week available of which I am unaware??"
Since Aaron's job loss last summer, he occasionally teaches classes at the local university. That currently translates into 2 evenings a week from 5-9 p.m. and Saturdays from 9 a.m - 2 p.m. His work schedule alone is not what is causing our current feelings of drowning in a sea of activities. He and I each hold callings in church, which require a significant amount of time - especially his, which involves at least 2-3 meetings each week.
Then there are the children... I believe that children need to be given the opportunity to experience all sorts of different sports, music, and social ventures so that they can find and develop their talents. After all, that's what my parents provided for me. However, I am finding that this is one of those times when what "my parents did" does not translate well into what Aaron and I should do. This isn't because it isn't a wise path, but because the realities of life in a family of four children are far different than for a family with an only child.
We began with allowing one musical instrument and one sport for each child with the belief that this would be tenable. However, three musical instruments, three sports, homework, and two church youth activities each week for each child is anything but tenable. Financial concerns aside (thanks to generous grandparents), there is simply no way to maintain any sense of family togetherness, peace, or relaxation with this kind of schedule, not to mention the strain put on us parents who must cart a cranky toddler to and fro every afternoon and evening of the week.
When people in 2010 think of large families, it's often the disadvantages that are cited, particularly the lack of emotional and financial resources available to each child. But there are advantages for these children that (in my mind) outweigh the drawbacks. There is a body of research that supports my contention: "A child with siblings is happier, healthier, and, in the long run, safer than a child of the same social background without them." (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1048580/Why-middle-classes-bigger-families-says-TV-News-reporter-Colin-Brazier.html)
Our children may not have all of the piano, flute, tap, jazz, ballet, and gymnastics experience I did. That is certainly unfortunate, in light of the vast amounts of acclaim I have received for my unparalleled talents in each of those areas... (Pffftttt...) And we may have to cut corners in other areas, including cramming them all into the same bedroom. But when I watch them, I see their souls blossoming in ways I am only beginning to explore at the age of 37.
They are comfortable in their own skins, because each day they are told by at least 5 other people that they are loved. They are kind and compassionate with family, friends, and acquaintances because we encourage and reinforce those attitudes in the way they treat their siblings. They have a proper reverence and respect for authority because Aaron and I demonstrate that we are worthy of their respect, and expect it of them. They are learning patience and sharing, and that the world does not revolve around them, because there are always other family members impacted by their actions, and affected by their decisions. And they are exploring and developing talents in areas such as art and singing and computers that would not be possible if they had even less free time.
These decisions obviously have to be made by each family, based on individual and collective personalities, resources, strengths, and weaknesses. But as I look ahead a few weeks and know that Saturday mornings can involve snuggling on the couch, game-playing, outdoor recreation, or everyone pitching in to clean the house while 'Single Ladies' blares on the stereo... I know the decisions we are making today are taking our family closer to what we are striving to be. Together. Forever.
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1 comments:
Spot on Trina. Your children will look back at what you and Aaron are doing now and be very thankful. What a great post!