Has it really been 5 months since my last entry?  Good grief.  I turned 38 this weekend, and this is as good a time as any to catch up and re-dedicate myself.


The summer both dragged and flew by, if that is possible.  We were all so incredibly exhausted and burned out by the last day of school.  We spent a good portion of the summer just enjoying being able to sleep in and stay up late.  Aaron was still spending his days studying, and his Saturdays teaching a class at the University, so we stayed on the island during June and July.  This summer's weather was the coldest and wettest we've ever had since moving here 8 years ago - rarely reaching 70 degrees, even while we did our fireworks on the 4th of July.


The last week in July was Kylie's first year of our church's Girls' Camp.  I have been dreading it for years, knowing I would be going along.  I've been on enough field trips to know that large groups of young people are rarely enjoyable for any length of time.  That's where I was wrong.  The week was wonderful.  I was surrounded by over 100 girls who had no need to engage in drama or histrionics because they were confident in their identities as daughters of God.  Everyone could relax, enjoy, cooperate, and learn in an environment of friendship and sisterhood.  I am so glad I get to go back again with these girls and these women.  Next year, I'll even smile in a picture or two.



In August, Aaron's schedule cleared out for a bit, so we took advantage of that time to travel to Oregon to visit with my folks.  I realize that my Grandma's ability and willingness to travel up from Medford to see us in Portland may not last much longer.  So any time she is willing to make the trip, we try to coordinate our efforts.  It takes an act of Congress to get this family of 6 + dog organized, packed, and loaded for a road trip, but we did it.  We knew we probably wouldn't make the best time, leaving at 1:00 on a Friday afternoon, but we didn't figure the normally-5-hour trip would take nearly 9 hours.  Dang.  It was so great to have some free time to enjoy our family, both immediate and extended.  We had all of Grandma's grandchildren in one room for the first time in years.  That was awesome.





There was a lot of informal fun too.  Thank the Lord for summer!

I thought blogging would be such a great way to motivate myself to journal more regularly.  Certainly I have recorded thoughts and events more in recent months than in recent years, but once again, my perfectionist tendencies have impeded my progress.  Of course I do many things every day that are imperfect and have no qualms about that.  However, when it comes to putting something in writing - archiving something for future generations - yowza.  That's a lot of pressure to get it 'just right.'  I really need to get over that.  'Perfection redefined' and all that...


The weekend following Aiden's birthday, The Nana took the whole family to see 'How to Train Your Dragon' in 3D, as per the birthday boy's wishes.  




Since we rarely attend movies that are not Nana's treat, I was floored when I realized that the cost for our family to see a 3D movie on a Friday afternoon was nearly $90.  Holy price gouging, Batman...  Mr. Aiden also lost hims very first tooth.  


On the 25th, Kiara performed in the Drama Club's performance.  The students have been working on this for three months, once each week after school.  Some of the skits left a lot to be desired, but Kiara and her little best friend, Bree, were a kick to watch.  Somewhere, Kiara developed a British accent for her role as a sports reporter.  She said she was very nervous, but she did a great job.


On the 27th, Kylie and I attended the broadcast of the General Young Women's Meeting at church.  The video feed wasn't working, but we had the audio.  There were some great messages for the girls, as well as a reminder for us older 'girls' that we are daughters of God and that He is always there for us as we face the challenges of this life.  Very nice.


The following week started Spring Break.  Coupeville School District always has the first two days of Spring Break as parent-teacher conferences.  The elementary kids got to show off samples of their work from previous months.  It was neat to see how far Aiden has progressed - kindergarten is a year of tremendous growth.  Kiara showed off Power Point presentations she'd done, as well as papers, tests, and class work.  It's very surreal to know that next year we will have a second baby in middle school.  Watching their personalities and interests cement has been really fun.  


At the middle school, conferences are a round-robin type design, where all of the teachers sit in the auditorium and we make the rounds to hear about Kylie's progress.  We get a kick out of watching her try to contain her delight as her teachers make one complimentary statement after another.  


Aiden had his second dentist appointment to get another filling.  It proved to be more difficult than the first, as he already knew to expect pain.  I ended up sitting under him in the chair and holding his hands so he could calm down enough to let them work on him.  Seriously heartbreaking for a parent.  He has at least two more appointments and Aaron has generously offered to go with him to the next one.   It's so difficult to watch your poor, sweet baby boy be so scared and not be able to fix it.  


Easter weekend was very busy with family activities.  We watched General Conference on Saturday, with our traditional breakfast and appetizer treats to maintain morale.  Kiara was feeling miserable with a fever and sore throat, but seemed to improve after a good night's sleep.  Sunday we drove to Seattle for dinner with the Burdge cousins, aunts, uncles, and Aaron's mother.  The older cousins hid eggs for the younger ones to find, and the older grade-school kids formed 'alliances' to ensure the biggest haul.  Awesome.


As Spring Break progressed, we all caught what Kiara had - an adenovirus.  It wasn't the best way to spend the vacation, but it was probably good that we were all at home.  Auntie Lee and the cousins came up for a play day on Tuesday, and poor Kylie spent most of that day in bed with the fever portion of this fabulous illness.  She was really bummed.  We took the rest of the kids to our favorite Ft. Nugent park and they had fun chasing each other around, despite the chill in the air.


On Wednesday, we put on our Relief Society Quarterly meeting, and we had a couple of the ladies share their vast gardening knowledge.  We have really wanted to start a garden, but don't have the money to do a big bed like we wanted.  A couple of the ladies volunteered that their most important tip for a new gardener was -- start small.  It's too easy to get overwhelmed by a big plot and not feel successful enough to want to continue gardening.  So I planted 3 little peat pots with seeds - one of lettuce (which they say grows well here in the cool temperatures), one of cilantro, and one of chives.  When (if) they sprout, then I can put them outside in a pot.  I also really want to do tomatoes.  People said a couple of things about growing tomatoes up here...  First, grow them in pots because they do better because they are warmer, and second to grow only cherry size, because the big ones never get enough heat to ripen.  So I think I will try to do that.   Perhaps my black thumb will show a hint of green this year...


On Friday, Dad and Lori arrived for a weekend visit.  With everyone still feeling a bit puny, we weren't a bundle of excitement, but Lori assured me they enjoy the slower pace.  Our house never feels slow, but the kids enjoyed a nice walk to the beach with Grandma and Grandpa, and playing in the backyard.  We spent Saturday making a nice dinner, and introducing Grandma and Grandpa to the High School Musical experience.  Grandma liked it - Grandpa said he wasn't sure he could take much more.  LOL


They left this morning, and we've spent a lazy Sunday trying to muster the energy and strength required to complete the educational marathon until mid-June.  Thank goodness we have Princess Leela and her makeup artist to inspire us...

It is very difficult to believe that our sweet baby boy is six years old.  What a sweet bubba.  From sunrise to sunset, today was all about Aiden.  He seemed to enjoy every moment, which radiates to those of us who get to be near him.  Happy birthday, Aiden!

It's been a while since I posted, and it feels to me like a year of living has been crammed into the last couple of weeks.  I spent a fantastic, relaxing, rejuvenating weekend with my long-distance BFF, Shannon.  We had a great time shopping at Pike's Market, eating, catching up on girlie TV and cackling together at a chick flick.  We even had lunch at the restaurant from Sleepless in Seattle...



The best part was having hours to just talk.  Uninterrupted.  Shannon and I both had 3 children by the time we became friends, and I don't know that we have ever had that kind of uninterrupted conversation opportunity.  It was so wonderful to reconnect in person.  The weekend flew by, and sending her off to North Carolina again was more painful than I expected.  It took me back in time two years when I left her at the moving van and the deep sadness that I couldn't shake for a few weeks.  We vowed it would not be two years before we got together again, and looking forward to another Spring BFF weekend next year is doing my heart good.



At home, it's been very stressful, as Aaron has been trying to cram in as much studying as possible before taking the Psychology Licensure Exam again.  He is also finishing up teaching 3 on-ground classes, and somehow, neither of us noticed that having three classes each take a final exam and submit a term paper might be terrible timing.  So here we are, and I'm trying to do as much of that grading as possible so he can study.  Adding that load on top of managing a family of 6 is proving to be more than I think I'm capable of handling.

On St. Patrick's Day, Aaron was camped out at a cafe studying, and I got a desperate text from him.  Once I arrived, he was in horrible agony, vomiting, sweating, and disoriented.  We rushed him over to the ER and they seemed to recognize all of the signs of a kidney stone fairly quickly.  It took a bit for the pain medication to work, but once it did, he finally got some relief.

The timing was uncanny - the ER doc confirmed that sitting for his Psychology Licensure exam this Friday as scheduled, would be inadvisable.  So with doctor's note in hand, Aaron began calling the exam service to find out about rescheduling.  They were accommodating, and now he has a 30-day extension to ensure that he is completely physically well before taking the test.

Now if we can just figure out how a family with no full-time job is supposed to pay thousands of dollars in medical deductible bills, that would be fantastic.  I have to believe that this 'act of God' was just that, and that He has a way to work all of this out.  If God brings you to it, He brings you through it.  It certainly has driven me to my knees, but I am more thankful than ever for a strong, faithful, loving husband, and awesome sister-friends that let me cry on their shoulders.  Just as the Savior promised, He will not leave us comfortless.  Amen.

Last week, Things 2, 3, & 4 had a dental check-up.  There were lots of cavities involved, but this is not news.  However, the end of the visit was unsettling.  This was a pediatric dentistry office, so all of the kids (except Alysia) were seen in separate rooms without parents.  The dentist came in and said, "Aiden's teeth look great - I can tell he takes good care of them.  But I'd like you to take a look at his x-ray."  (This was his first.)  I had a feeling this isn't something you want to hear from your child's dentist.  I was right.


As I was looking at it and beginning to process what I was seeing, my mind was reeling.  90% of what I see looks just like any other kid's dental x-ray:  baby teeth sitting on big white squares of adult teeth.  Except his top front teeth.  There's one big white square adult front tooth, and where the other one should be, there are two big front teeth turned sideways and wedged in there.  AAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!  Apparently this is very common, and it's fairly simple to fix.  Once the baby tooth pops out and the extra tooth starts to drop, they just pull it.  Then the real tooth can start to shift and drop.  Occasionally the child will need orthodontic work to get the tooth to straighten completely.  Intellectually I realize this is not at all a big deal.  But there is something so disconcerting about looking at your perfect, beautiful, healthy child and then being shown something so completely abnormal hiding right under the surface. 


For some reason, this was a hard thing for me to accept - my gorgeous baby boy isn't perfect.  I'm not sure why it affected me so much - both Things 1 & 2 have reading glasses, flat feet, and other indications of less-than-perfection.  Perhaps it's because it's Aiden - my baby boy.  
Before I had children,  I didn't believe any parents who said they didn't have a favorite child.  I mean, we are all human beings who get along with some people better than others.  But it turns out they were telling the truth.  I don't have a favorite either.  Each of them have unique personalities with some qualities I enjoy and some that irk me.  But they are all awesome in their own way.  


However, there is something different and special about the bonds between mothers and sons (just like fathers and daughters).  I hypothesize that it's because I'm having the opportunity to love all of the attributes and features I love in my husband, only in miniature form.  And because as a woman, I have intimate knowledge of the challenges my daughters will face, but I also know they will face them with courage and tenacity, because I'm doing it.  


But my son...  To raise this beautiful boy with his humor, his energy, his innocence and send him off  out into the cruel world to be toughened up and hurt and go on to bear the responsibility of supporting a family...  It's too much for a mother's heart to bear.  
My sister-in-law commiserated with my distress, saying that she had redefined perfection.  That is very wise.  Even in the Bible, where we are told to be "perfect" - the original word intended there means complete or whole - it does not mean 'without flaw'.  I've embraced this perspective in other areas of life, mostly to retain my sanity.  Perfection is no longer three gourmet meals each day served in a pristine, expensively furnished house by a size 2 wife and mother who never raises her voice.  Perfection is complete love, complete joy, and all of the work it takes to get both.  It is loud and messy and funny, exhausting and exhilarating.  Perfect.

In an analysis of five decades’ worth of research, Dr. Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University, found that today’s adolescents are overburdened to a degree once seen in child psychiatric patients. 

When you say “yes” to over-scheduling, you also say “no” to your family. Overburdened families are more prone to arguing than their less-frenetic counterparts and are less likely to spend time together. Twenty years ago parents worked about nine fewer hours per week than those raising their families today and today’s parents have more options vying for their and their children’s available time.  -- Susan Newman, Ph.D.

We had an opportunity to have this discussion recently.  The kids came home with flyers for softball (Kiara) and T-ball (Aiden).  Neither one mentioned it, but I know both of them would love those activities.  So as I looked at the schedules (4 days a week - each), I lamented aloud to Aaron that it was unfortunate that the time commitment was so demanding, and that we'd have to stick with soccer (3 days a week), starting up in a couple of weeks.  I don't remember exactly what he said, but what I understood was, "Do we have an extra three days a week available of which I am unaware??"


Since Aaron's job loss last summer, he occasionally teaches classes at the local university.  That currently translates into 2 evenings a week from 5-9 p.m. and Saturdays from 9 a.m - 2 p.m.  His work schedule alone is not what is causing our current feelings of drowning in a sea of activities.  He and I each hold callings in church, which require a significant amount of time - especially his, which involves at least 2-3 meetings each week.  


Then there are the children...  I believe that children need to be given the opportunity to experience all sorts of different sports, music, and social ventures so that they can find and develop their talents.  After all, that's what my parents provided for me.  However, I am finding that this is one of those times when what "my parents did" does not translate well into what Aaron and I should do.  This isn't because it isn't a wise path, but because the realities of life in a family of four children are far different than for a family with an only child.  


We began with allowing one musical instrument and one sport for each child with the belief that this would be tenable.  However, three musical instruments, three sports, homework, and two church youth activities each week for each child is anything but tenable.  Financial concerns aside (thanks to generous grandparents), there is simply no way to maintain any sense of family togetherness, peace, or relaxation with this kind of schedule, not to mention the strain put on us parents who must cart a cranky toddler to and fro every afternoon and evening of the week.


When people in 2010 think of large families, it's often the disadvantages that are cited, particularly the lack of emotional and financial resources available to each child. But there are advantages for these children that (in my mind) outweigh the drawbacks.  There is a body of research that supports my contention:  "A child with siblings is happier, healthier, and, in the long run, safer than a child of the same social background without them." (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1048580/Why-middle-classes-bigger-families-says-TV-News-reporter-Colin-Brazier.html)


Our children may not have all of the piano, flute, tap, jazz, ballet, and gymnastics experience I did.  That is certainly unfortunate, in light of the vast amounts of acclaim I have received for my unparalleled talents in each of those areas... (Pffftttt...)  And we may have to cut corners in other areas, including cramming them all into the same bedroom.  But when I watch them, I see their souls blossoming in ways I am only beginning to explore at the age of 37.  


They are comfortable in their own skins, because each day they are told by at least 5 other people that they are loved.  They are kind and compassionate with family, friends, and acquaintances because we encourage and reinforce those attitudes in the way they treat their siblings.  They have a proper reverence and respect for authority because Aaron and I demonstrate that we are worthy of their respect, and expect it of them.   They are learning patience and sharing, and that the world does not revolve around them, because there are always other family members impacted by their actions, and affected by their decisions.  And they are exploring and developing talents in areas such as art and singing and computers that would not be possible if they had even less free time.


These decisions obviously have to be made by each family, based on individual and collective personalities, resources, strengths, and weaknesses.  But as I look ahead a few weeks and know that Saturday mornings can involve snuggling on the couch, game-playing, outdoor recreation, or everyone pitching in to clean the house while 'Single Ladies' blares on the stereo... I know the decisions we are making today are taking our family closer to what we are striving to be.  Together.  Forever.

I got to thinking today about how our children impact us at least as much as we impact them, if not more.  Any parents who ever thought they were in charge of their lives immediately learned that the adorable little peanut who arrived home from the hospital was completely running the show.


The reminders of our children's influence come in funny ways.  For instance, we were never big believers in baby talk.  We always used proper names for people, places, and things.  Yet our children have permanently changed our family vocabulary. 



As a toddler, Kylie couldn't pronounce her Nana's dog's name - Sebastian.  He became Mambis.  If it weren't for Kiara's vast creativity, none of the dozens of stuffed animals living in our home would have names.   Aiden couldn't say the word "pacifer" so he called it "ay-ee".  


Because Alysia is right smack in the middle of this phase, and her siblings are all aware of her language development, she has had the most influence.  She not only changes words for us, but for her siblings as well.  She created the name we all use for her now:  Leela (because she couldn't say Alysia).  When we all kiss each other goodbye or goodnight, (and even in our texts) we use her version of "I love you"... "Luh loo."  


Lately, I must not be smiling enough, because several times each day, Alysia will tell me, "Mile, mama!" after which I give her a big cheesy grin, which makes her giggle.  If I remember my psych theory class accurately, I'm pretty sure she's implementing some very effective operant conditioning when she rewards my compliance with her giggles.  I'd call that a win-win.






Even as an admitted control-freak, I appreciate the knowledge that in a house full of 4 intelligent, active children, Aaron and I are the learners as often as we are the teachers.  Selectively indulging their demands reminds us of their perspective on the world, which always embodies more fun and less drudgery.


As I type this, Alysia has her face pressed up against the side of my lap top saying, "I want some white cheese, Mama.... Mama, I want some white cheese!"  She has said it at least 7 times.  Who do you think will win this round?  Let me know.  I've got to go get some white cheese.